I don't know if Mr. Graham or any of my other high school teachers still read this (I know Mr. Graham did, but I realize its hard to keep up), but I thought a lot about my time in high school today. In particular, I had to think like a teacher. And, put myself in my teacher's shoes (to use a cliched expression). Which, also happened to be part of the focus of the lecture I gave this morning.
But, to back up for a minute, I just changed classes this week. I am teaching with all teachers I know now, which is good and bad. Its good because I am familiar and it is easier to work with people you know. But, they also know that I am not afraid of talking about more intellectual things. So, my friend Alixe asked me to read a book that she was teaching to her english literature class and then help her lecture on it. Well, at first it sounded like fun because I wouldn't have to talk about robots and lie detectors and have simple conversations about technological things that I couldn't care less about. After I read the book a couple of weeks ago, I didn't realize how much work it was to prepare lectures for a class about literature. As most of you know, I was a philosophy major with almost a double major in psychology. This kind of makes accessing literature a little more difficult. So, I had to harken back to the days of old when I had English classes with the likes of Mr. Graham and Dr. Holley. I wanted to do the class more like we did with Mr. Graham and just go through the text sort of line by line and talk about the importance and certain literary techniques. But, Alixe wanted me to lecture on a theme or topic, so I chose the differing perspectives and their import in post-colonial, post-modern literature. The book we read was Wide Sargasso Sea. I haven't read Jane Eyre and I hadn't studied either. Thus, I was a little behind as far as my ability to really dig into the text, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. I did all the preparation I could last night (I thought I was going to listen to the first lecture this week and start next week until yesterday). I prepared for several hours. I had made pages of notes and page references. I had big introduction, lots of questions, two long expositions of the two main characters and then a big quote for the end that would tie up the loose ends and allow me to pontificate on my distaste (or let's be honest) down right hatred for the use of the term post-modern and even more what it often represents. I was scared, but ready.
Alixe gave me my introduction to the class, and we jumped right in. No one exactly slept through my class, but pretty close. These are students who speak French natively but understand English well and speak it pretty well. Yet, there barely responded to anything I said. I explained the devastation of being rejected by your mother in your most vulnerable point, replete with body movements and flowerly language and the like but I got no response. When I asked them how they would feel, the only thing I got was "sad," not even a complete sentence!
This was when I realized that I never completely understood the work that goes into teaching a class. Its hard for a teenager to escape there egocentrism, especially for someone as egocentric as I was in high school. I never really realized how hard it is to be a teacher and pour out your soul in front of them and get no reaction. I had a much greater respect for what my teachers had done in high school. I think it is particularly hard for high school teachers because the students have to be in the classroom. In college, it is difficult sure, but there it is more voluntary then high school. The good thing now though, as a teacher, is I know exactly what it is like to be a student. I don't want to be too hard on them because it is difficult in a foreign language at 8 in the morning on a Thursday to be really excited about difficult literature like Wide Sargasso Sea. But, like I taught my students today, I have a much better understanding of what teachers have to go through.
The strange thing was, I love every minute of it. By choice, I stayed and taught the second hour as well. I didn't get through but much more than a quarter of what I wanted to, but I loved it. The few times that they did respond and understand were all the more meaningful. I don't know if they will remember all that much about Wide Sargasso Sea, but hopefully, like me, they will someday appreciate even more how important our teachers are. And, for Mr. Graham, if you make it this far, A River Runs Through It is still one of my favorite books. I have it here with me in France actually. I still remember you teaching it in my Junior year and am still able to enjoy the beauty of the language that Maclean employs in that wonderful text.
I don't know if in my future I will be teaching literary texts, probably not, but I hope that I continue to get the opportunity to teach things that I am passionate about like theology, philosophy and good literature.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
The last week or so...
I have begun to be a bit busier now that I am back in the full swing of school. I start with new classes tomorrow, so I am excited about that little change in my life. I will still only be teaching 12 hours a week, but starting tomorrow, those 12 hours will be concentrated in three straight days from Tuesday to Thursday. Life's tough.
I haven't made a post in a while, I guess because I didn't have a significant adventure to relate, or anything really that was on my mind that was all that profound (I don't want to assume that I what I usually say is profound, but usually I want to write after something has been on my mind for a while). Basically, neither of those things have happened.
Last Friday though, I went to my first Jazz show in Paris. Oh wait, no it was a "boogie woogie" show. I was invited by a somewhat older professor here at the Lycée to go to a Jazz show with her and a couple of her friends. She said it was a "be-bop" show and she knew that I liked jazz so she really hoped I would come along with her. Not having anything else to do on this particular Friday night, I thought what the hell, I can hang out with a couple 55 year old French teachers for a night, as long as I am in for some good Jazz music. Well, as we arrive at the concert hall, the other teacher tells me, she forgot that it is not going to be a jazz show but a "boogie woogie" show. Well, I am here now, so I have to go. I walk in the double doors to this concert hall in the suburbs of Paris, and there before me, is every person in the 91 department (that is my collection of suburbs) who is over the age of 50. I was the youngest person in the concert hall by 25 years. Well, I felt a little awkward but I thought I cant change my circumstances now, and I cant leave because she brought me here by car. The music wasn't all that bad, but I did feel quite awkward in the midst of all these people who were just a wee bit older than I was. I imagine had it been a jazz show, it would have been the same demographic, but still, at least I like jazz music.
Which, actually, brings me to another interesting story from the other day in class. I was super excited because I had prepared this lesson on Billie Holiday and her performance of the poem put to music called "Strange Fruit." It was a whole lesson on the importance of music, and the possibility of change in goodness in people's hearts even in the worst of circumstance. It had to do with America's ability to try and resolve issues between peoples of different backgrounds and ethnicities, and working towards a common goal of freedom for everyone. I was super excited and I explained the context of the song. I handed out lyrics to every kid in the class, oh and this is a "terminalé" class which means they are like 16 or 17. I play the song for them, and I ask, "what do you think? did it move you? can you see how the powerful lyrics and the emotion of the singers voice was able to cause people to reflect on how poorly they had treated each other based on meaningless criteria like race and the color of their skin?" Then one kid looked up and said, "Is this a man or a woman?" and then the next kid, "do you know Michael Jackson?" "What about 50cent?" "What about the game?" And, I quickly realized that the lesson I had created was probably only meaningful to me and a small select group of people and not 16 to 17 year old French kids.
I haven't made a post in a while, I guess because I didn't have a significant adventure to relate, or anything really that was on my mind that was all that profound (I don't want to assume that I what I usually say is profound, but usually I want to write after something has been on my mind for a while). Basically, neither of those things have happened.
Last Friday though, I went to my first Jazz show in Paris. Oh wait, no it was a "boogie woogie" show. I was invited by a somewhat older professor here at the Lycée to go to a Jazz show with her and a couple of her friends. She said it was a "be-bop" show and she knew that I liked jazz so she really hoped I would come along with her. Not having anything else to do on this particular Friday night, I thought what the hell, I can hang out with a couple 55 year old French teachers for a night, as long as I am in for some good Jazz music. Well, as we arrive at the concert hall, the other teacher tells me, she forgot that it is not going to be a jazz show but a "boogie woogie" show. Well, I am here now, so I have to go. I walk in the double doors to this concert hall in the suburbs of Paris, and there before me, is every person in the 91 department (that is my collection of suburbs) who is over the age of 50. I was the youngest person in the concert hall by 25 years. Well, I felt a little awkward but I thought I cant change my circumstances now, and I cant leave because she brought me here by car. The music wasn't all that bad, but I did feel quite awkward in the midst of all these people who were just a wee bit older than I was. I imagine had it been a jazz show, it would have been the same demographic, but still, at least I like jazz music.
Which, actually, brings me to another interesting story from the other day in class. I was super excited because I had prepared this lesson on Billie Holiday and her performance of the poem put to music called "Strange Fruit." It was a whole lesson on the importance of music, and the possibility of change in goodness in people's hearts even in the worst of circumstance. It had to do with America's ability to try and resolve issues between peoples of different backgrounds and ethnicities, and working towards a common goal of freedom for everyone. I was super excited and I explained the context of the song. I handed out lyrics to every kid in the class, oh and this is a "terminalé" class which means they are like 16 or 17. I play the song for them, and I ask, "what do you think? did it move you? can you see how the powerful lyrics and the emotion of the singers voice was able to cause people to reflect on how poorly they had treated each other based on meaningless criteria like race and the color of their skin?" Then one kid looked up and said, "Is this a man or a woman?" and then the next kid, "do you know Michael Jackson?" "What about 50cent?" "What about the game?" And, I quickly realized that the lesson I had created was probably only meaningful to me and a small select group of people and not 16 to 17 year old French kids.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Sunset
Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, the sun came out in Paris. Wintertime in Paris can be quite drab. The weather is just cold enough not to snow, but cold enough to be uncomfortable. It rains nearly everyday. I think I said this in another post, but it has been a strange experience to be in a foreign place long enough to watch the seasons change. It is an aspect of being in a foreign country I have never been able to experience. There are many things that I am experiencing for the first time in a foreign country, but one I have enjoyed is watching the seasons change. I also have a fair amount of time on my hands, so I can sit and take notice of what is happening around me. I came at the end of summer. It was mild, breezy and sunny often. As summer turned into fall, the leaves became hues of orange, red and yellow resplendent with beauty. It became colder. Maybe the perfect cold weather. Cold enough to wear a scarf and a nice jacket. The sun shone some but not as often as the summer. And, it started to rain a little bit more. Right now, it is winter. The sun doesn't rise here until 8:30 or 9:00. I rarely watched the sunrise when I lived in the states. Only while backpacking was I ever up early enough to actually see the sun rise. Here, I am up early enough to watch it rise often. Yet, it never rises brilliantly. The sky is to mulled for the the colors of the sunrise to actually shine through. By 5:30 or 6, the sun is already going down. Again, this going down is just simply the change from light gray to black.
Yesterday evening, the sun set. And, it was soothing. The day began as usual. The black changed to gray in the morning. But, by noon, the sun came out. You could individuate the white clouds from the deep blue. The sun actually warmed me as I read in the park in front of the Musee de Moyen Age. I left Paris at about 5 o clock in the evening. The RER B from Paris to Massy is above ground after you leave the Paris city limits. As the train emerged from the covered station of Cite Universitaire, I got a glimpse of the blue changing to orange in the Western sky of the Ile-de-France. I watched out of the window of my car with anticipation. As we passed by building after building, occasionally I would get another glimpse. This time it looked pink. We arrived at Gentilly, another covered station. I watched out the window eagerly because I knew once we emerged, there wouldn't be any other covered stations, just an open view of the sun setting without being masked by the gray of the clouds.
Watching the sunset in Paris, I felt a continuity of experience that has been uncommon since I have been here. It is rare to find things living in a foreign country that strongly connect you to your past life in another country. However, this experience is not unique to moving countries. It happened with me when I moved to Oklahoma. It happened when I moved to Yellowstone. It happened when I lived in Colorado. Those places are more like my home in St. Louis, but not being in St. Louis, I still felt somewhat alien. Watching the sunset is something I loved to do even in St. Louis. Usually, it was nothing more than taking notice of the sun setting as I drove on Highway 40 over highway 141, or the good view of Chesterfield Valley as you exit highway 40 and wait to turn left on the Parkway. When I watch the sunset anywhere in the world, it is something that reminds of home. However, each time I watch it in a different place, it is also unique. Watching the sunset over the southern suburbs of Paris is different than watching the sunset over the Lower Geyser Basin in Yellowstone. Both of these are different than watching the sunset over the West County Suburbs of St. Louis, but there is something of a continuity. Being able to watch the sunset yesterday evening was a tremendous comfort. For that train ride home, I didn't feel quite as far away from home. Even if it was just for a short train ride home.
Yesterday evening, the sun set. And, it was soothing. The day began as usual. The black changed to gray in the morning. But, by noon, the sun came out. You could individuate the white clouds from the deep blue. The sun actually warmed me as I read in the park in front of the Musee de Moyen Age. I left Paris at about 5 o clock in the evening. The RER B from Paris to Massy is above ground after you leave the Paris city limits. As the train emerged from the covered station of Cite Universitaire, I got a glimpse of the blue changing to orange in the Western sky of the Ile-de-France. I watched out of the window of my car with anticipation. As we passed by building after building, occasionally I would get another glimpse. This time it looked pink. We arrived at Gentilly, another covered station. I watched out the window eagerly because I knew once we emerged, there wouldn't be any other covered stations, just an open view of the sun setting without being masked by the gray of the clouds.
Watching the sunset in Paris, I felt a continuity of experience that has been uncommon since I have been here. It is rare to find things living in a foreign country that strongly connect you to your past life in another country. However, this experience is not unique to moving countries. It happened with me when I moved to Oklahoma. It happened when I moved to Yellowstone. It happened when I lived in Colorado. Those places are more like my home in St. Louis, but not being in St. Louis, I still felt somewhat alien. Watching the sunset is something I loved to do even in St. Louis. Usually, it was nothing more than taking notice of the sun setting as I drove on Highway 40 over highway 141, or the good view of Chesterfield Valley as you exit highway 40 and wait to turn left on the Parkway. When I watch the sunset anywhere in the world, it is something that reminds of home. However, each time I watch it in a different place, it is also unique. Watching the sunset over the southern suburbs of Paris is different than watching the sunset over the Lower Geyser Basin in Yellowstone. Both of these are different than watching the sunset over the West County Suburbs of St. Louis, but there is something of a continuity. Being able to watch the sunset yesterday evening was a tremendous comfort. For that train ride home, I didn't feel quite as far away from home. Even if it was just for a short train ride home.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Le Region Rhone-Alps
So, after my last post, you might think that I did not end up going to the French Alps to go skiing. My first attempt was a failure, but I did end up going. My first attempt was a failure because I woke up a half hour late, so I was running late trying to catch my train in Paris. I got half way to Paris and realized I had forgotten two essential documents that I needed to get on the train. I quickly went back to Massy and got the documents, but just to be sure, I checked to see where my reservations were. It was a good thing I did because for some reason I had overlooked exactly where my hotel was in Chamonix and realized that I was staying in a place only accesible by car. By this point, I had missed my train and decided I wasn't going to go. Later that evening, after conferring with my father, I decided to call and cancel my hotel and try and find another one. This time, I called the place I wanted to stay and asked them how I could get there without a car. I ended up finding a place half as much and walking distance from at least one mountain resort.
After all that, my trip has been very good. My hotel was nice and cheap. Snowboarding in the Alps is quite different from the States but a lot of fun. The focus here is on what they call "off-piste." This is sort of like backcountry skiing in the States or doing tree runs in the States. They have four different colored levels but there is hardly much difference. And, there aren't that many of them. Most of the runs are very large and open. It would be quite difficult to learn here, but a lot of fun for advanced riders. The mountain got more icy during the several days that I was here. They haven't had snow in a while and that is making the conditions a little less than optimal. It was also overcast most of the time and I didn't get a lot of pictures. I will put up what pictures I did take later.
I snowboarded by myself for the first and last day. For the second day, I got to snowboard with a couple from Israel. Actually, I snowboarded mostly with the husband and the wife did her own thing. He basically showed me around one mountain that he had ridden for several days. He showed me all of the off piste runs and areas he liked. It was cool because I was a little hesitant to go off piste by myself. He was a pretty good snowboarder and I just let him lead for a day so I didn't have to make any decisions.
After my first day, I felt like I was suddenly much older than I remembered. I am always tired after I snowboard, but I have never ached as much as I did after my first day of snowboarding while I was here. That is probably because I haven't snowboarded in a couple of years and I am really out of shape. But, it was just a weird feeling to be in that much pain after just one day of snowboarding.
This trip was good for me because if I had stayed in Paris, I am sure I would have just been extremely lonely and missing my family who had just left after Christmas. I had one difficult night here, as traveling alone and living alone has slowly but surely been taking its toll on me. I have never been one to make lots of friends, but I have always depended on those I have greatly. It is difficult being here in a foreign country without anyone to lean on that can be here with me physically. I have my phone and the internet but that doesn't take the place of having someone you love right there with you.
I ended up on a sadder note, but all in all, it was a wonderful trip. Chamonix-Mont Blanc is situated right on the corner of France, Switzerland and Italy. The Alps resemble the Rockies more than the Appalachain Mts., but seem to rise quicker and have more jagged peaks. At least, the ski areas in the Rockies versus the skiing areas of the Alps. That's all for now.
After all that, my trip has been very good. My hotel was nice and cheap. Snowboarding in the Alps is quite different from the States but a lot of fun. The focus here is on what they call "off-piste." This is sort of like backcountry skiing in the States or doing tree runs in the States. They have four different colored levels but there is hardly much difference. And, there aren't that many of them. Most of the runs are very large and open. It would be quite difficult to learn here, but a lot of fun for advanced riders. The mountain got more icy during the several days that I was here. They haven't had snow in a while and that is making the conditions a little less than optimal. It was also overcast most of the time and I didn't get a lot of pictures. I will put up what pictures I did take later.
I snowboarded by myself for the first and last day. For the second day, I got to snowboard with a couple from Israel. Actually, I snowboarded mostly with the husband and the wife did her own thing. He basically showed me around one mountain that he had ridden for several days. He showed me all of the off piste runs and areas he liked. It was cool because I was a little hesitant to go off piste by myself. He was a pretty good snowboarder and I just let him lead for a day so I didn't have to make any decisions.
After my first day, I felt like I was suddenly much older than I remembered. I am always tired after I snowboard, but I have never ached as much as I did after my first day of snowboarding while I was here. That is probably because I haven't snowboarded in a couple of years and I am really out of shape. But, it was just a weird feeling to be in that much pain after just one day of snowboarding.
This trip was good for me because if I had stayed in Paris, I am sure I would have just been extremely lonely and missing my family who had just left after Christmas. I had one difficult night here, as traveling alone and living alone has slowly but surely been taking its toll on me. I have never been one to make lots of friends, but I have always depended on those I have greatly. It is difficult being here in a foreign country without anyone to lean on that can be here with me physically. I have my phone and the internet but that doesn't take the place of having someone you love right there with you.
I ended up on a sadder note, but all in all, it was a wonderful trip. Chamonix-Mont Blanc is situated right on the corner of France, Switzerland and Italy. The Alps resemble the Rockies more than the Appalachain Mts., but seem to rise quicker and have more jagged peaks. At least, the ski areas in the Rockies versus the skiing areas of the Alps. That's all for now.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Joyeux Noel et Bonne Année
Well it has been quite sometime since I have written on this blog.
I have probably lost most of my readers. I probably will still have to remind even my parents that I still have a blog. Which actually brings me to what I was thinking about that prompted me to write.
My whole family came in town for Christmas. My sister came a week before the rest on the 17th. It was so good to have her with me. I hadn't seen her in months. We decided to take a trip to Belgium because neither of us had ever been before. I booked a hotel in Brussels (at least what I thought was Brussels) and we left from Paris Gare du Nord. It is only a little over an hour and half to Brussels from Paris on the bullet train. When we arrived, we got in a cab and asked the driver to take us to the Ibis I had booked online. 60 euros later we arrived in Leuven about 20 kilometers outside of Brussels. Little did I know while booking the reservation that the Ibis website directed me here because all the hotels in Brussels were booked. Had I paid a little more attention I would have realized that. Regardless, we were in Belgium. The next day we took a 4 euro train ride back to Brussels. We celebrated that night in Leuven my acceptance into Princeton Seminary. It was a nice trip and I was quite excited about my acceptance.
Jamie and I returned to Paris after a couple of days in Belgium and waited the arrival of the rest of the family. Our entourage as a family is growing. My sister's boyfriend came and my brother's girlfriend also came. Its about time I find a girl to take to family events.
We stayed in a nice 4 room apartment in Paris. It was tight, for 7, but it was nice to be in close quarters with my family for the first time in months. It was just nice, it was an oasis. I have learned so much living the solitary life that I do here. Being in all of there presence was so much sweeter for the time we spent apart. There departure was almost as bitter as the sweetness of their stay. This isn't to say that everything went smoothly, but for a Kim trip I would say it went really smoothly.
As I grow older, I want to be with my family so much more, especially after having lived in a foreign country for several months. It has been a tough couple of days since they have been gone. That is all it has been too. Just two days since they have left but its been difficult. I tried to go to the south of France to snowboard today, but my first attempt proved futile. I am trying again tomorrow.
I feel so much more comfortable when I am with my family traveling. I can rely on my mom and dad to make decisions. Or, at the very least, I just have to give my opinion. I don't make the final decisions. Living alone, you make all the decisions. Good bad or otherwise, you are the final authority. There is no consultation. You have to make the decision and encourage yourself that you made the right decision. At least, as of yet, I don't have to worry about anyone else. I am learning to do it by myself without having to worry about how it will effect others. It just effects me. Thoughts of having my own family come and go. Sometimes, I am certain that I don't want kids or a family. I like my life by myself. But, when it comes down to it, I hope someday, I will be making decisions with my wife and we will both bear the responsibility of how it effects our children. I am learning to do it on my own. In time, once I have learned to do it on my own, I will be more confident in leading a family because I have made the mistakes already and will know either how to respond to those mistakes or just not make them in the first place. Maybe that is not what God has in store for me, but I have faith that either way, God knows what He is doing. The best I can do is respond and live the life that is under me.
I have probably lost most of my readers. I probably will still have to remind even my parents that I still have a blog. Which actually brings me to what I was thinking about that prompted me to write.
My whole family came in town for Christmas. My sister came a week before the rest on the 17th. It was so good to have her with me. I hadn't seen her in months. We decided to take a trip to Belgium because neither of us had ever been before. I booked a hotel in Brussels (at least what I thought was Brussels) and we left from Paris Gare du Nord. It is only a little over an hour and half to Brussels from Paris on the bullet train. When we arrived, we got in a cab and asked the driver to take us to the Ibis I had booked online. 60 euros later we arrived in Leuven about 20 kilometers outside of Brussels. Little did I know while booking the reservation that the Ibis website directed me here because all the hotels in Brussels were booked. Had I paid a little more attention I would have realized that. Regardless, we were in Belgium. The next day we took a 4 euro train ride back to Brussels. We celebrated that night in Leuven my acceptance into Princeton Seminary. It was a nice trip and I was quite excited about my acceptance.
Jamie and I returned to Paris after a couple of days in Belgium and waited the arrival of the rest of the family. Our entourage as a family is growing. My sister's boyfriend came and my brother's girlfriend also came. Its about time I find a girl to take to family events.
We stayed in a nice 4 room apartment in Paris. It was tight, for 7, but it was nice to be in close quarters with my family for the first time in months. It was just nice, it was an oasis. I have learned so much living the solitary life that I do here. Being in all of there presence was so much sweeter for the time we spent apart. There departure was almost as bitter as the sweetness of their stay. This isn't to say that everything went smoothly, but for a Kim trip I would say it went really smoothly.
As I grow older, I want to be with my family so much more, especially after having lived in a foreign country for several months. It has been a tough couple of days since they have been gone. That is all it has been too. Just two days since they have left but its been difficult. I tried to go to the south of France to snowboard today, but my first attempt proved futile. I am trying again tomorrow.
I feel so much more comfortable when I am with my family traveling. I can rely on my mom and dad to make decisions. Or, at the very least, I just have to give my opinion. I don't make the final decisions. Living alone, you make all the decisions. Good bad or otherwise, you are the final authority. There is no consultation. You have to make the decision and encourage yourself that you made the right decision. At least, as of yet, I don't have to worry about anyone else. I am learning to do it by myself without having to worry about how it will effect others. It just effects me. Thoughts of having my own family come and go. Sometimes, I am certain that I don't want kids or a family. I like my life by myself. But, when it comes down to it, I hope someday, I will be making decisions with my wife and we will both bear the responsibility of how it effects our children. I am learning to do it on my own. In time, once I have learned to do it on my own, I will be more confident in leading a family because I have made the mistakes already and will know either how to respond to those mistakes or just not make them in the first place. Maybe that is not what God has in store for me, but I have faith that either way, God knows what He is doing. The best I can do is respond and live the life that is under me.
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